Resourcing the Inner Dickhead
Do you ever feel like you just "don't have what it takes" to change, live the life you want, or accomplish big things? Do you feel restricted, weak, controlled, or overly humble, like your day in the spotlight is never coming?
You'll be delighted to find that you're not actually as powerless & uncertain as you think: Your inner dickhead knows the answers - to everything (even things he knows nothing about, amazingly). Whenever you find yourself in situations where you are unsure, don't have enough courage, or feel like you can't figure something out, there's one stupid-simple solution: resource the inner dickhead.
Ahem... Allow me to explain.
Those of us who struggle with things like perfectionism, inhibition, low self-esteem, or even just anxiety have probably learned (a little too well) how to be a "good person."
While it sounds all well and good, the idea of "being a good person" sends shudders down my spine and when I see someone "being a good person" it literally keeps me up at night. The reason is that our culture has conflated being a good person with being a completely codependent pushover. The two are not the same, but for most of us, the lines blur sometimes.
If many of the things you want to do feel too bold, daring, anxiety-inducing, or outright selfish, there's a good chance you are confusing being a good person with being a socially-conditioned slave ;)
We learn how to resource the inner dickhead at a moment's notice. To resource something means to take a part of you that you've forgotten exists and use it at the appropriate time (eg. when someone is suffering, you automatically "resource" the part of you that empathizes with what they are going through).
Here's the thing: No one on earth is just "shy" or just "uncertain" or just "too nice." What we're looking at in these situations is socially-conditioned repression of the inner dickhead - and spoiler alert - he's not really a dickhead. He just knows what he wants and isn't afraid to reach out and get it. Sound unfamiliar? That is your evidence that you need to begin resourcing this part of you more often.
To be clear, we're not talking about being rude to people or doing unethical things. Rather, the inner dickhead is simply your unabashed, un-socially conditioned self. He gives no fucks about what anyone thinks of him and doesn't conform to arbitrary rules. He is above that. He is powerful, and he knows it (I say "he" because in most cultures, people who tend to outwardly embody these characteristics are men, so it might be easy to imagine your inner dickhead as male, regardless of your sex or gender).
The inner dickhead is no-nonsense. He is direct, charismatic, confident, and productive. He stands up for himself as needed, but doesn't feel a need to prove himself.
If you're thinking, "I'm not like that though," once again, I implore you: Take a look inside. Think of at least one time you've embodied these traits (even in the negative form, that still counts). So often, we deeply divorce ourselves from these traits because lets face it - We've seen how other people use them to be awful - We hate these people! The last thing we want to do is be anything like them. But here's the thing: You don't have to be like them - at all. Your inner dickhead is simply a driving force, a power that never runs out. This won't hurt the people around you unless they are triggered by other people's confidence.
The inner dickhead is only ACTUALLY a dickhead when he is either
1. deeply repressed (as it is in many of us "nice" people) or
2. very undeveloped and running the show (aka, those people we all dislike).
Here's why he is so effective: He is the exact antidote to suppression culture, codependence, and little-ol-me syndrome. Our parents, the school system, and society in general has taught us that you better follow the leader - and the leader ain't you. It's that loud, full-of-himself guy over there. But this is merely society operating from the rudimentary 'might = right' paradigm. It's bullshit and we all know it. The problem is, we've been so conditioned to be rule-abiding citizens (and our nervous systems love a good dose of safety and familiarity), that following your own bold inner truth doesn't come natural. It has to be coaxed out of us.
This is why we consciously practice resourcing the inner dickhead - the part of us that is immune to all of this self-doubt and excess politeness.
Resourcing is easy. You simply ask yourself questions throughout the day, as needed, like:
What decision would HE make in this situation?
What does he want to do right now?
What are his goals?
You may find that the answers are different from what you would typically do, and THAT'S the point.
So there you have it folks. Resource the inner dickhead - a not-so-spiritual teaching for our wildly repressed culture.